Maygan the Mis-Fit

So honestly, I've always felt like I just didn't quite fit into my surroundings. I always stood out- and not in the good kind of way. I am Australian- born and bred and damn proud of it. I am also LDS. Mormon. Doorknocker. Brainwasher.

I've heard them all.

 Australia is known for its beauty and friendly occupants. It is not, however, known for its open acceptability of religion. The culture down there is beer, swear, drink more beer and swear a little more. Trust me, people notice when you don't join in. Sometimes people would be accepting and ask genuine questions as to why I was always the sober designated driver, why I wore such conservative clothes or why I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend before I was 16. Other times I would be criticized, insulted or just flat out dismissed as a mis-fit. It hurt. I grew a backbone. Then accidentally became desensitized to everything going on around me in hopes of blending in for once. I stopped being open about my religion and started laughing at their jokes about my lifestyle, apologizing for it and slowly adapting their lifestyle in an attempt to divert their attention away from my beliefs. 

It still didn't work. Living in a small country town you tend to make some sort of name for yourself and because I was famous for my goody-two-shoes ways people seemed to always be watching waiting for me to slip up so they could call me out. 

Now I made a lot of shameful decisions back then in my desperate attempts to change my image to impress those around me. It sounds so high-school but its crazy the kind of tricks your mind plays on you when youre trying to make decisions.
You can justify just about anything if you want it bad enough.
 I left the church for a while and I am not proud of the things I accomplished in that period of my life.

I hung out at all the wrong places




I dressed just that little bit more revealing than my dad would have liked..


 This was my scene.


Although I wasn't doing anything 'Wrong', I wasn't doing anything Right either...
I didn't go to church. I never touched my scriptures. I rarely prayed. My testimony was a dim spark where a raging fire had once been. I was hardly ever home with my family and caused my mother to grow a million gray hairs while she waited up until 5am to hear my car pull into the driveway after a night out with my friends.
I didn't see this life as being bad. I had so much fun with my friends, watching them do crazy drunk things then watching them blush from head to toe when I told them all about it the next day as they were nursing a hangover. I felt like I belonged. And I liked that feeling. I stayed in this empty hole of temporary happiness so long that I forgot what it felt like to have true joy. The meaningful, lasting kind. At one stage I was in such a bad place spiritually that I lost all my feeling. I didnt feel happy. I didnt feel sad. I didnt feel guilty and I didn't feel proud. I just didn't feel.


I had officially lost the spirit and I had no idea where to go. Then one day the happiness and thrill I once felt from hanging out with the 'wrong crowd' as the church always called it had gone.
One day a friend from my ward invited me over. I went, mainly because I had run out of excuses not to. She didn't judge me, she never even talked about the life I was living. Instead, she told me about her life experiences before the church and really opened up. It hit me hard. I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt ashamed. She told me she was mainly telling me this because she couldn't stand seeing my parents the way they were anymore.
I had broken my parents hearts and I could see that. I love my family and it hurt soooo much to be disappointing them with my choices. She told me I needed to come back to church. Pretty firmly actually. She told me to "fake it till you make it". It turned out to be one of the best pieces of advice anyone could ever give me.

I went back that Sunday. I could feel peoples eyes on me, secretly judging me, but I stayed anyway. I continued to go. But what really changed my perspective was my best friends wedding. She had been struggling with the church at the same time I was. I should have been there to support her, but instead I went my own selfish way.
She ended up back at church before me. Started dating a guy, fell in love and got married in the Melbourne temple.




The look in her eye that day was one I had never seen. She was radiating pure joy, and the look her husband was giving her was one of pure love. It was then that I set in my heart the desire of my own to kneel across the alter from my husband and be married for time and all eternity.




I have never been prouder of anyone in my whole life.

Since that moment, life has still thrown me insane curveballs that make me question and doubt the strength of my own testimony way too often.

But I did it.

I married this amazing young man, with the biggest heart of gold in the Salt Lake Temple just 10 months ago.




And he looks at me the way I had always dreamed.


I know now more than ever that all the quenching and tempering I have gone through I have become stronger than I could have ever imagined. I'm not afraid of what I believe anymore. I'm not afraid of the tormenting questions that come from people who are just trying to cut deep inside. I'm not ashamed of being LDS. I am happier than I could have ever though possible, and I know that its all through the atonement. It's the real kind of happiness, not the temporary kind. I don't care if all my Australian friends think I'm talking Mormon brainwashing rubbish. I know for myself that what I believe is true, and I'm never going to be afraid to admit that again. I still have so much to learn, I don't think I'll ever have the answers to every question and I don't expect to. I have started an eternal family, and I don't ever want to let anything get in the way of that. Bring on the trials, heartbreaks and tough decisions. I have an amazing man to walk through this with and together nothing will beat us.

That is exactly why we will always Cope Side-By-Side






http://mormon.org/what-do-mormons-believe

 

Sacrifice Now- Security Later?

TONIGHT WE CUT UP OUR CREDIT CARDS

I know.. Insane..

Let me back up and explain..

Tonight was our regular scheduled date night. We went out for a lovely dinner down to a pretty pricey but wonderful Italian Restaurant around the corner from us. After, we decided to go to Barnes & Noble and snoop around in a world of wonderful literature. I headed off to the kids book section and Alex went to the finance section. Yeah, we're kinda different that way..

Anyway, as we were sitting side by side, me with my book about a bear and a koala and Alex with his budget book, he turns to me with a serious face and says "Maygs, let's go home and cut up our credit cards"

I just laughed told him he is insane and brushed it off. But he continued. He said that if we paid for everything with cash instead it hurts more so we spend less. Even gave me a study with real statistics to try convince me. Make sense? totally... So we did this

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now we aren't dumb with our money. We work hard, pay our bills and save where we can. So ok, we might spoil ourselves a litttlleeee too much.. Like going out to eat a million times more than cooking at home.. But overall we have a good comfortable life, good credit and good sense. So what would make him want to cut up our credit cards? So we can make a start towards a debt-free life. No more indulging  in credit card luxuries, no more justifying purchases, just plain old simple living. I have no idea how he convinced me to do this, but now I'm kind of excited about it! I love having a smart man to look after my future. Nice job honey ;)

An Ode to My Mother

Those who know me know I live for buying presents. If someone's looking sad, they have a box of see's candy coming their way. If I go on a trip away, one suitcase is going to be filled for things I've found to give to people. Christmas- don't even get me started. I was caught at work a month ago whistling Christmas tunes and then viciously scolded for it. I love itttt! And today's occasion was babies being born. Two of our co-workers have had babies recently and I'd honestly take any excuse to drag Alex down those isles full of tiny people clothes. Last night at work one of them brought their baby in. She is tiny! She was born premature at 2 pounds 10 ounces. She is the most beautiful little thing in the entire world! As a bunch of us were standing around I guess I was becoming that crazy baby lady because for the rest of the night I was getting picked on. Poor Alex was copping it too.

"Maygan needs a baby Alex"

"Geez you guys should just have one already!"

"Why don't you have one yet?"

"So, when are you going to have one?"  I wink and reply 'hopefully 9 months from this morning' to which they laugh, and go about their duties.

These questions come up ALL the time. From friends, from family, from people I just met. Perfect example was a couple weeks ago while talking to a friend through a facebook message. After the usual hi how are ya what's new questions it was a whopping SO YOU PREGNANT YET?

I guess now that we kissed in a tree, fell in love and have gotten married, the next thing to come is the baby in the baby carriage. Right?

Want to know my real answer to all these questions? Because I'm terrified.

I'm terrified of one day trying and finding out I'm unable to have one

I'm terrified to be responsible to such a fragile dependent thing

I'm terrified I wont be enough

I'm terrified of bringing my child into such a ferocious and judgemental world

I'm terrified that I'll somehow not be Maygan anymore- that I'll transform into 'this persons mum' or 'that guy's wife'

I'm terrified that others will always be judging the way I raise them

I'm terrified of 100 million more things that are both unthinkably ridiculous and absurd!

 And I'm sure every person with the desire to have a family feels this way.. I feel like I'm kinda selfish :( but even though I adore kids and babies I'M NOT READY YET. One day I will be.. But I have no idea when...

 

I mean how do you know? Is there ever going to be a right time?  How do you get over the fear of things to come when you become a parent? The fighting, the pain, having to watch bad decisions being made and know that you cant help?

And that's when I think about my mother.

 

 

 

 

Meet my mother, Melodi Jo Mits. I adore her.

 

My mum had two kids at my age. She had it rough. She met my dad while he was serving his mission in California. He thought she was cute. She liked his accent. It wasn't until my grandpa told my dad that my mum thought he had the 'face of a koala and butt of a kangaroo' that the chemistry started. When he was transferred to a different area she sent him presents (including an adorable stitched pillow that still lives in their house) and he send her tape recordings of his voice. I listened to one once. He was so cute to her :) When he returned home to Australia, he worked "Kangaroo Butt" off and bought a ticket back to see her. After a month they were engaged. Dad claims she never actually said 'yes', but instead listed off all the names they were going to call their kids. Cute. Anyway, they got married in the L.A temple, returned to Australia with $11 and lived  as far out in woop woop as you can imagine in a tiny wood shack.

 

 

Dad was in the police academy and was away in the city all the time. Mum got lonely. So she had me 9 months later. 

A year and a half later she had my sister Maryse. This is her at my age.

 

 

 

She then went on to have 3 more kids. One with ADHD.

Now I was an awful teenager. Ill admit it. We would fight all the time. I broke her heart and I am so ashamed of myself for that. But she stuck by me through everything and I now consider her one of my best friends. For real.

 

I look at her in amazement.

She has been victim to being alone, hurt, scared, broken, torn apart, abused, shut down, disappointed and soooo much more. I guess all this comes with being a mother. But she has never turned her back on any of us. Instead she continues to love us more unconditionally than we sometimes deserve.

 

 

She is also the reason we are all here in Utah.

My mother is always singing. From opera in the kitchen to solos at Christmas concerts. She has the voice of an angel (when she is not singing opera)

And she dreams of being in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

 

In order to do that you need to live within 100 miles of Salt Lake City. Hence their current location of Saratoga Springs.

 

Moving your family half way across the world is no easy feat. We packed 22 years worth of life into a tiny shipping container and sent it overseas. There was a house to be bought, a job to find and cars to purchase. They literally had to start over.

She constantly doubts herself and asks me if she did the right thing. Hey, I met Alex from this so I'm not complaining. But things have been tough here for them. Money sucks. Family issues have arisen. And its hard to see her question her decisions!

I respect her so much in the fact that she chose to follow her dreams. This is what sacrifice looks like. I am so lucky to have her as a role model in my life.

She has shown me what blessing can come from having kids, what love can be felt and what wonderful experiences can be had from being a mum.

 

 

  

I know that everyone's "right time" is different.. but I figure if I can pattern my life after the example she has set for me I can deal with it when it comes. I guess she proves how silly my fears really are. She makes me not as afraid. 

I just hope that when the time comes I can be as tough as her.

 

 

Our Curse

Meet our Upstairs Neighbour

 

 

 

 

Ok, so I've never actually met him. But this is the only rational image I can make of him at 3am every morning as he is stomping around above us. It's like a nocturnal elephant cross with an earthquake. What does he DO up there all night???

 

 

Funny thing is that we moved out of our basement apartment for this exact reason. The upstairs kitchen was right above our bedroom and at 6.30 in the morning their 2 year old would bounce this plastic ball, over and over and over again. Even after talking to them about it, it continued. So we moved.

 

 

I think we are cursed.
 

 

Now I get that we are still newlywed and all that.. everyone has their horror stories of the early years. Bare cupboards, old broken down car that has to be shared, having to live in their parent's basement. Alex and I are super fortunate in that we can live quite comfortable with such nice things. We appreciate this all the time. I guess we just have to suffer in other ways...

Now our apartment is tiny. 600sq ft leaves much to be desired. Our vacuum cord can reach every room without needing to unplug. True story.

 But it suits us pretty well for now. Sure, it makes me antsy sometimes when I want to cook a nice dinner and I have like 2 inches space on my bench to cook in. Or when Alex is bored and he follows me around and there is not enough space to do anything in. But I think we will look back on this place and smile. Even about the Bigfoot upstairs.

 

FALL BREAK!

I LOVE BEING MARRIED

I love that we can go away just because

and that is just what we did for Fall Break
 To this place

Alex and I stayed here on our honeymoon before we went on our cruise. It is the best little bed and breakfast you ever did see.





They even put your name on the door!
and decorate your pillow with utah truffles

It has the cutest little details all over the grounds. Including cake that sits on a glass stand that you can help yourselves to anytime you feel.

The Company was alright too

We came across a paddleboat

So we took a ride in it

As I was lovingly looking over at my husband, I started screaming and freaking out. There was a massive spider on his neck! Alex was freaking out because he had no idea what I was freaking out about until I finally managed to squeak out 'SPIDER!' 

After he successfully got rid of it the swarm came. There were spiders everywhere! So we paddled back lightning fast and ran back inside. Note to self: Check out the abandoned paddle boat before stranding yourself in the middle of a lake.

On our way home we stopped at one of my favourite places in Midway. They sell the best chocolate milk possibly in the world. Oh and Jam! And of course cheese! We got some of everything for our roadtrip home. I told Alex Midway is the only place I would compromise living in Utah for. It reminds me so much of my hometown in Australia! Tiny general store, adorable little houses with horses, Cows as your neighbors... But i married a city boy. He just gave me that 'yes honey' smile and continued driving. :(

Utah in the fall is beautiful. There is every kind of brown green and orange to be seen on the mountains. Alex said it looked like a "bowl of soggy fruit loops". He looks at the world with such romantic eyes.

After we got home we quickly got changed and rushed on up to Salt Lake City to join my sister for her first trip to the temple. She turned 12 a month ago. It was too exciting to miss. I had been inside the baptistry of the Salt Lake City Temple only once before in my life, when I was 16 on a family trip to the US. I had forgotten how beautiful it was inside. 

This is Mariah. She can be kinda cute when she wants to be. 

This is my father mother and bro Myles. Times spent with this bunch are never ever boring. (FACT: my hair was that red once too. And my sister Maryse's still is haha)

After this we headed straight for Wendover! Blasphemous, I know... My justification is that if it helps us bond and work together it cant be all bad right?

On the way we stopped off to check out the salt flats. 

Salt as far as the eye can see! I had to firmly convince Alex not to take off and drive all over them. So he licked them instead. Yeah, I married a clown.

Our fun trip away ended with an extra $100 in our pockets, and empty tank of fuel and a bunch of fun memories. And that ladies and gentleman, is why I love marriage.

Crazy Random Cope Facts

Alex and I live a different sorta life. Even according to Utah standards.

• We don't follow politics. In either of our countries. The government shut down? Eh.
• We work together. At an exciting place called P.F Chang's. Its only exciting because he is there. We make work fun together, like singing to Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog soundtrack as he helps me close up the bar or people watching from the back and making up their stories.
• We rarely eat at home. Mainly because we get out of work at like 11pm, but also because Take out >Maygan's cooking.
• We get 2 date nights a week. This is exactly why we are not planning on babies any time too soon.. Live it up!
• We don't follow football. And I thank my lucky stars everyday that Alex isn't the kind of husband to drag me to a game in the freezing cold rain or ditch me to watch it on TV. American football makes no sense.

 

 

 

 

Now you tell me which one is a better more intense watch. Long live Aussie Rules.

• He spends more money on clothes than I do. True Story.
• We are addicted to How I Met Your Mother. It is on right now. What's funny is that we never watched TV until we got Netflix. Life over. Sometimes we think we should get rid of it so we could do something productive... And then we laugh and watch the next episode.
• He is the clean one. Our sink is NEVER full of dishes. Bless him for that..
• We are both going to be teachers.
• He is the youngest of 13 kids. I am the oldest of 5. The funny thing is that we actually balance out..

Today is my parents 25th wedding anniversary. I look at them and hope with all my heart that Alex and I can go through what they have been through and come out as strong. I think we are off to a pretty good start ;)


“Sometimes,' said Pooh, 'the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”
― A.A. Milne

Why Utah and I aren't friends- And why I'll keep trying

So I was born and raised an Aussie. 22 beautiful years spent amoung the Kangaroos and Gum Trees, the beautiful sandy beaches and the smell of tea trees after a good thunder storm. Then my parents decided to drop the U-Bomb. 

I had been to Utah before and WAS NOT IMPRESSED. I thought the people here were rude and even though the mountains were pretty cool it really wasn't anything special to write home about. So, after much contemplating (like 2 seconds) I decided to stay in Australia on my own, keep working at my lovely $22 an hour job and finish my schooling.  

And that's just what i did.

Life was swell. I would save up money, come visit my family for a couple months then return home to continue life. 

Even though it never really felt like home without them. I bloody love my family. I missed them like crazy every day and would find myself counting down the hours till i could Skype with them again. So when I met and fell in love with some crazy Provo boy on my visit here one year my stubbornness flew out the window and things started falling in place.

I had a return ticket that never got used...

Been here for almost 2 years and I pine for my beautiful Melbourne everyday.

I mean, come on, how could you NOT!!!

But today I realized something. I was blessed to get 2 tickets to the morning session of the LDS General Conference. That was this morning. On my way there I Passed 6 Temples. All within less than an hours drive.  Walking up to the conference center I saw respectable men all suited-up and women dressed modestly. I passed through 2 groups of random people all joining together singing hymns. Some generous person gave my Mum a ticket while she was standing in the stand-by line so we could all go in together. 

Now this probably sounds bizarre to anyone not of my faith. But to me, it was my idea of what heaven would be like. No where else in the world could you or would you ever experience so many people so united and working towards the same goal. Living the same lifestyle. Experiencing the same hardships. It came like a smack in the face how lucky I was. 

How I have been taking this for granted!!! I am surrounded by people who actually understand me, who are so kind and generous and good to the core. I am married to a man who is the epitome of all of these things. Some Provo boy who had just enough spunk to sway my heart into choosing a place I loathed so I could be with him. And how I love him for it.

Utah will always irk me in its own little ways. Like the hideous cold of the never ending snow season (which has already started ridiculously early this year) and awful drivers and cheap diners who have no idea what a good tip looks like. 

But all of those things are so small compared to the amount of blessing I receive living here.

I will quit complaining (Tryyyyy to anyway...) and start burying myself in funeral potatoes, fry sauce and crocheting. 

Our Beginning

So I probably should have started this a lonnngggg time ago. Been married for 9 months now. Shame on me. But I'm so excited to finally start some sort of record of life as a Cope! I want to look back and remember the little things. Like the time Alex blindfolded me and drove to a flower shop just to get me a rose, or the times he writes me guilty apology notes because he was playing video games way too late. Just those tiny things that would sound so commonplace to anyone else but to me makes my whole life go round and bring innumerable smiles. Yep, those are the things I want to remember years down the road..

This is Alex.

A goof sometimes, Obsessive-Compulsive most of the time, Adorable ALL the time.

I still cant believe he chose me.

This is Baby Pringles

Yes, she is probably the cutest thing you will ever see. Nothing is better than coming home from a rough day at work and watching her waddle around or curl up in a little spike ball (yes, it does hurt). BEST PET EVER

We were married in the Salt Lake Temple on the blessedly cold day of the 29th of December 2012

Best move I ever made 

I would not trade my little family for anything